Think of the most painful thing…
Stepping on a Lego…right in the middle of your foot.
Yep. That’s it. That’s the most painful thing ever. Why? First, it usually happens unexpectedly. Second, that’s a sensitive area. Lastly, the shape of a Lego and your foot aren’t compatible, so when they meet there’s just no cohesion.
What does this have to do with disconnection?
This past Sunday we looked into the importance of connection for humans. There’s great wisdom behind aligning ourselves with others. We get better in numbers. King Solomon says it this way in his speech from Ecclesiastes…
“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.”
This is simply practical and deeply helpful. Connection matters. People matter and they matter to each other. We are made this way. It’s how we operate. I’ve heard it said that we’re better with a “who” or two.
Brene Brown puts it this way in her book Daring Greatly…
“Because we are hardwired for connection, disconnection always creates pain.”
I want to look into this pain a little further. My hopes are that people read this, see they aren’t alone, and bravely begin a journey of healing. That they will connect and connect again. I hope people who’ve been hurt or are being hurt will give people a chance again. Maybe not the one causing the hurt but someone else, at some point.
3 Thoughts on Painful Disconnection
- Disconnection hurts so badly because we rarely see it coming. Most times we are not prepared to lose that loved one, break it off with that lover, or stop hearing from a friend. It happens suddenly. Even if it’s a slow burn, reality has a weird way of making things feel more real. Our responses to this sudden hurt range anywhere from mistrust to distancing. We just don’t want to feel it again…that feeling we can’t breathe…that surreal confusion…that instant vacuum in our heart.
- Disconnection hurts so badly because our hearts are sensitive. Or at least that’s how they started. Early on in my son’s life I noticed something I remembered about myself, he’s sensitive. I was that way. Things hardened. Life dealt blows and I calloused up. Having kids has softened some things for sure. But I see his love for people and his sensitivity to personal relationships and I know…he’s going to get his heart broken, a lot. Maybe that’s you. Your heart has been broken a lot. The very idea of opening it again is horrifying.
- Disconnection hurts so badly because it reveals an incompatibility. And this revelation tends to play on our insecurities. Have you ever felt you weren’t “good enough” to be loved? Didn’t deserve it? Disconnection, whether our fault or not shows us just how flawed we all are. That friction with a parent shows us how deeply different we’ve become, and then we question everything.
Like stepping on a Lego, disconnection hurts. We don’t want to walk into any dark “toy rooms” any more. But I think we try again because we know we’re made for relationship. We’re built to try, and try again.
So, I encourage you, try again. Give love, friendship, and connection another try. You’ll be better for it. The world around you will be better for it.
Share your experience, suggestions, and inspiration for disconnected people in the comments below. Join the discussion!